Let's talk about the subject of man's relationship with his neighbor. This subject touches an area that calls for improvement. For example, a man can act decently overall but can fail in the field of personal relationships.

For example, let's say a man wishes to renovate and enlarge his apartment to accommodate the needs of his growing family. He needs he to agree in writing. But one of the neighbors refuses to sign claiming he will be inconvenienced by the noise and other related hassles.  On the other hand, if he has a good heart, he must immediately acquiesce. Why do his neighbor's home improvements and enhanced comfort bother him? Regardless, it is critical to try to improve our behavior in the field of human relations.

This example shows us the extra care that must be exercised in this area.  Rabbeinu Yonah writes in Shaarei Teshuva (Shaar 3: 141): "He who shames his friend in public has no share in the world to come." This isn't said about a murderer, because in contrast, one who embarrasses his   ignores the gravity of his fault, while a murderer has regrets. Therefore, the former is further away from Teshuva.

It goes without saying that the murderer will be punished in Gehinnom (hell), but there is no indication that he has no share in the world to come, unlike the one who shames his neighbor. The difference between them is that the murderer is aware of his crime, and he may have thoughts of remorse and repent for his actions. In which case, he may earn a share in the world to come. On the other hand, one who shames his neighbor in public is not aware of the gravity of his acts, and, in this sense, he is worse than a murderer, which is why he has no share in the world to come. This is how the process unfolds: to begin with, he embarrasses his neighbor and later he may end up committing murder because he grows accustomed to disrespect his neighbor and could eventually kill him.

Not surprisingly we witness so many tragedies today. It is abominable to kill someone cruelly, we reach these extremes because we do not exercise due caution around personal relations. The Torah stresses the importance of being extra careful in this area.

Rav Steinman explains: once in a prominent Bnei Brak synagogue, someone made a remark to the officiant leading the Mussaf prayer of Rosh Hashanah, claiming he taught in unsuitable places. He was discharged from his officiating position on the spot, and somebody else replaced him. I witnessed personally that when the other man took his officiating place, the former officiant shed tears.

That same year, the second officiant died an untimely and sudden death. Who can fathom heaven's calculations?

Rav Steinman's Vigilance to His Relationships with Others

When Rav Steinman gave summer lectures at the Poniowitz Yeshiva, fans and air conditioners were switched on and turned in his direction to spare him unnecessarily suffering from the heat. But in fact, due to the weakness of his body, the latter was causing him to catch colds. He could have disagreed to this practice and requested that the apparatuses be turned in a different direction. But the Rabbi said nothing. When the Rebbetzin met one of the students of the Yeshiva, she requested that he look after the Rabbi's health by avoiding this practice. However, the Rav himself took extra precautions to protect his young students' health.

One of his grandsons tells that when the Rav was already old, he told him: "In recent years, a Minyan meets at our home for Shabbat prayers, and I'm afraid to turn on the air conditioning and catch a cold or get sick. But they asked so insistently that the AC be turned on, I thought perhaps I should wear warm clothing during the month of Tammuz, so the operation these electrical devices don't cause unwanted consequences.

But the Rav kept silent. It is pertinent to note that the Rav covered all the electricity bills for the operation of the air conditioners and refused to accept money from the congregants or from any other person offering to take on the expenses incurred upon for the benefit of the public.] (Mea Hore Haparagod)

Not Even Lifting an Eyebrow

Another outstanding story to describe his relations to others occurred on the 24 Nissan 5771. At the time, Rav Steinman received visitors while sitting on his bed. One of the visitors inadvertently put the basin for the ablution of the hands (a utensil filled with water and covered with a lid) on the pillow and sat down distractedly. Suddenly, the water filled utensil spilled on the Rav's bed. Given that this utensil was covered by a lid, the Avrech did not realize that the water could spill over. Rabbi Steinman did not even stare at the Avrech, did not turn his head to check where the water was spilling from, nor who knocked it over. He continued to chat with his interlocutors. After the visitors left, it turned out that the Rav was soaking wet. He had to change his clothes, his sheets, and even the mattress. But when the incident occurred, he didn't even lift an eyebrow (Mehahorei Haparagod)

But I Was Right!

A scholar from Bnei Brak who was about to speak publicly on behalf of an urgent initiative to collect charity for orphans asked Rav Steinman what he should say. And the Rav answered: "Tell them that we must apply ourselves at improving our relationships between man and his fellow man, both at home and within the family, because bizarre tragedies are transpiring, resulting from problems in interpersonal relationships.

Today, on the eve of Shabbat, a Jew visited me and complained about some strange things and aberrant trials which had befallen him. I replied that given the strangeness of these ordeals, he ought to examine his actions in his dealings with people and reflect on whether he had caused someone pain. The man replied he had never hurt anyone and exercised great caution in this area. I did not give up and patiently asked him to think again because such misfortunes require deeper self-reflection. He remembered that he had once hurt a man. "But in that case," he argued confidently, "I was right, and the man deserved it." I replied: "There are murderers in the world, do you really think that they committed murder out of boredom?" The victim bothered them incessantly, stole from them, behaved aggressively towards them. But they did commit murder, so your answer implies that the murderers were right. According to your side of the story, you were right.

But even if you were right, you failed by causing a great deal of pain to others. Whoever has justice on his side does not own the right to kill, to be cruel, or to commit other offenses."