Question from Elsa L.:

Dear Rav Scemama,

I would like to ask your advice.

I must first confess that I am not observant (but I fast on Yom Kippur and I do not eat pork). In fact, I'm not contacting you for a problem that concerns me.

Thank G-d, I am "sorted". I am married, mother of two children, and I teach in a high school. But I am reaching out to you regarding my younger brother. Since childhood, he has suffered from mental disorders that have only worsened in his adolescence. He missed out on all his schooling and is not even able to take any practical training. He does occasional work, but the little money he earns he spends stupidly.

I do not know if he has friends or a girlfriend, just dubious acquaintances with whom he smokes drugs. He sleeps a lot and spends his time slouching in a chair playing with his cell phone.

My parents and I tried to get him treated, but it did not help.

It was then that I thought that maybe religion could help him; prayer in the synagogue, frequenting observant Jews, and religious obligations could surely have a positive effect on him. On the one hand he will find the calm and serenity that religion brings, and on the other hand, the moral barriers of Judaism will prevent him from plunging into nothingness.

So, I would, therefore, like you to suggest a rabbi or a religious family that would be ready to take care of him, obviously, we will pay the cost of this service. I have provided you with my contact details…

Rav Scemama Responds:

Dear Elsa,

From your remarks, it appears that Judaism is not everyone's prerogative, but rather a spare wheel for desperate cases like your brother. However, in fact, the opposite is true, as I will explain.

It is certain that faith in G-d brings serenity to man because it resolves the great existential questions of the human being. It allows him to bear the suffering of this world, knowing that our destiny is ruled by an Almighty G-d who seeks the perfect good for His creatures (though we may not always understand His ways). The commandments concerning man towards his neighbor force him to overcome his natural selfishness in order to do good to those around him. The prohibitions and restrictions of Judaism separate us from sexual and immoral deviations, and so on. In other words, the Torah is the necessary and unavoidable guide to help man avoid the pitfalls of the material world and to bring him to a quality of life in which he will find happiness, meaning, and truth.

But this is for a healthy and balanced person. On the other hand, for people like your brother who suffer from mental troubles, it is not certain that the Torah alone can help them to heal, without being accompanied by adequate therapy (I will come back to this later).

Worse than that, the Torah may be a poison for these people. For example, the case of a depressed Jew, who interpreted everything that happened to him with pessimism and who perceived the Creator as a tyrant who does not like His creatures (G-d forbid).

There was another person who suffered from an inferiority complex and is began thinking that Judaism desires the annihilation of man, amalgamating modesty - which is a good character trait - and inferiority, which is a defect.

Others, unable to take charge, escape in prayer and study, to the detriment of their families and personal obligations.

There are also those who suffer from the obsessional disorder and they hide their ills behind religion. For example, they re-read "Shema" several times to be sure that they have said it properly or they constantly look at themselves in the mirror to make sure that their Tefillin are on their head in the right place.

Somehow, these people end up even sicker than they were before they became religious. That is because until now, they had no justification for their conduct, but once they become religious, they can rationalize their behavior by a so-called piety commanded by the Torah.

Therefore, it is necessary to turn to a religious therapist who will combine a medical knowledge and experience (of the human psyche) with that of authentic Judaism. The latter is indispensable because, as we have mentioned above, the Torah is the only authentic normality given to man by the Lord Himself on Mount Sinai. It is also the assurance of moving away from pagan practices that have infiltrated the therapy that relates to the psyche. Recently, several religious therapy centers in Israel have opened in religious circles (such as "Beth Cham" in Bnei Brak) and they have achieved excellent results. They are supported by the Great Leaders of our generation, which demonstrates the need for such an initiative.

On the other hand, for people like you, who you define as "sorted", you are as much related to Judaism, as any Jew. We invite you to discover the richness of our heritage. In recent years, sites have opened that allow everyone, whatever their level of religiosity and knowledge, to learn about the Torah, (such as Torah-Box.net,...). Your step to help your brother find a cure will have at least served to enlighten your own existence, and will - hopefully – lead you to the path of our ancestors, of blessed memory.