For some, intimacy rhymes with guilt. This is what Western society, based on Christian values, tries to make us believe. It is not for nothing that their spiritual leaders deny themselves to have any marital relationship and thus refuse themselves the opportunity to build a family! On the other hand, Judaism considers conjugal relations as a sacred activity that is not to be despised as other religions preach. A rabbi cannot be considered as such if he is not married. At the time of the Beit Hamikdash, only a married Kohen could claim the post of Kohen Gadol. According to the Torah, the intimate relationship between a spouse is a moment of sanctity so elevated that it is equivalent to the moment of Neila (closing prayer of Yom Kippur) where the Jews having fasted a whole day pray with fervor, as Angels. In other words, there is nothing more sacred than this, and there should be no feelings of guilt at the time of the act.

Intimacy is the Fundamental Basis of a Couple

If you ask some women what they think of intimate relationships, they will retort that it is just a necessity, but nothing really important; especially after the age of menopause, and for some, even before. This is not a priority for them. For them, intimacy may only represent the act necessary for procreation and nothing more.

Judaism has the opposite perspective and considers conjugal relations not only sacred but as the foundation of a couple. It forms the basis of the relationship between a couple. The Torah does not believe in platonic love! Besides, our patriarchs and some great Rabbanim had children even in their old age. This demonstrates that their intimate relationship was persistent even after many years together.

Love Is What Attracts Kedusha (Holiness) at the Moment of the Act

Although the Torah commands a period of abstinence of about 12 days per month, this period is just to allow the couple to long for each other, and especially to rediscover and deepen their human relationship on a basis of solidarity and friendship. Far from representing a desire to frustrate natural desire, this distance must be understood as a means of restoring the maximum of authenticity to the physical relationship, basing it on deep inner feelings.

This is what will give the relationship its sacredness: the love and joy of being together at the moment of union. Deprived of these feelings, a physical relationship loses its Kedusha and falls into the banal, even bestial domain...When the bodies are together and the Neshamot are together, Hashem goes down to the bedroom of the couple to bless them with a myriad of blessings (provided of course that the laws of family purity have been respected).

The higher the feelings between man and woman, the greater the holiness created by the act.

Creating a Positive Spiral Towards Infinite Love

All the feelings that a couple have cultivated will reach their highest point at the time of physical intimacy between the spouses. Each small gesture of love, each compliment will come to increase the feelings of the spouses and thus strengthen the power of their feelings at the time of the intimate union. The love lavished daily will allow intimate relationships to be truer, higher, and more successful on all levels.

But it is also true in the opposite direction. Intimate relationships consolidate our relationship. Whenever spouses have the pleasure and joy of being together, they will become more complicit, closer and more grateful to each other. Their feelings are reinforced by their intimate relationship. The next day, the husband will send an SMS of love to his wife, while she will have prepared a special meal for lunch!

And so on: the feelings will then need to be consolidated by a physical relationship. And so, we find ourselves in a healthy and positive spiral where the physical relationship and the mental relationship reinforce each other infinitely; where one ends up being body and soul with one's spouse.

And there is no limit to love...

The True Indicator of a Couple

Thus, intimate relationships are the barometer of a couple. Not because the relationship is based solely on that, but because it is an indicator of the good relationship of a couple... They advance together, in love, in the right direction. We strengthen our love by intimate relationships and consolidate our intimate relationships with our love. We revive our feelings by our actions and our actions by our feelings. Our Neshamot (souls) are brought closer by the bringing together of our bodies and the bringing together of our bodies by bringing our hearts closer together.

If we go in this direction, we have the blessing assured by Hashem that our marriage will be a real source of happiness and will be a receptacle for the presence of Hashem on earth...

There is what to motivate ourselves to cultivate our intimate garden as the most fundamental place of our marriage and our life.