One day, a young girl I was coaching for marriage walked in with a sour face.

- Is everything fine?

- Not at all! I cannot stand my future mother-in-law, she pulled a dirty trick on me again. She invited 50 additional guests to the Henna celebration, after I told her not to exceed a certain number of guests because the hall is tiny. From beginning to end, she tries to ruin all our plans because she simply cannot stomach the fact that I'm marrying her son. I have examined the problem in every viable way and the only solution is that she dies.

- It's a solution, but if she lives, God willing to 120 years, what are you going to do?

While such an exaggerated reaction is rare, problems between stepmothers and stepdaughters during wedding preparations are not infrequent.

For any girl, raised in the illusion of Walt Disney princesses, marriage is the pinnacle of a lifetime. A magic moment where she will finally be able to wear a beautiful white dress and dance with her knight in shining armor, cultivating the hope of living a happy life, surrounded by many children.

For this moment to be perfect and worthy of her dreams, everything must turn exactly as she imagined it.

Of course, when the wicked mother-in-law steps in with her wishes and demands, frustration emerges and can set-off quarrels with Prince Charming.

So, let's talk about this infamous "mother-in-law", whom we so much dread and who is the subject of so many jokes.

While as little girls we watched cartoons, our future mother-in-law gave birth to our Prince Charming, got up in the middle of the night to feed him and make sure he was well, tried to bestow upon him love and encouragement in his studies, kept an open eye when he returned home late, but most of all, imbued him with the qualities that would make him a good husband someday. She raised him into an adult capable of making us happy.

Of course, when her son reaches a marriageable age, although she is happy for him and has always dreamed of walking him to the chuppah, this step is difficult for her.

Rabbanite J. Lemmel used to advise young mothers on the day of their sons' Brit-Milah: "From now on, get ready to become a mother-in-law someday."

A mother's efforts and inner work consist in realizing that this child was entrusted to her and her husband by Hashem. That they must give him all the love and stability that he needs, so that one day he can become a husband and a father, but especially to accept that once he weds under the chuppah, this responsibility is transferred to his wife. Even if we think that she does not deserve it!

As for future daughters-in-law, do not worry, most tensions subside after the chuppah.

And what about ongoing tensions?

You can opt to wish for your mother-in-law's "death" like this girl.

After the birth of her first child and the constant quarrels with the latter, she finally realized that first and foremost, her stepmother was not her enemy, but her husband's mother.

To cultivate shalom bayt with her husband and avoid getting divorced, she had to improve her relationship with her mother-in-law.

Overnight she stopped reacting to her provocations, she stopped making scenes every time her husband suggested they visit his mother, but most of all, after a while, she managed to show her respect and even to pay her compliments. The latter no longer felt threatened and denigrated by her daughter-in-law and stopped nagging her, so they ended up having serene and amicable relations.

Peace and the Divine Presence finally resided in their home and they lived happily ever after and had many children ...

Fondatrice du Centre de la Famille Juive
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